In the year 2001 the valiant and flamboyantly talented though geographically dispersed and greatly disorganised members of Club Bullwinkle did set out in search of the world’s most coveted interclub prize: the Brass Razoo.

Only very slightly akin to the Holy Grail of medieval legend, the Brass Razoo is thought to be the last bequeathal of the 1962 Cypriot Olympiad team (and indeed to have been blessed by their third board ‘gun’ player, Ioannidis). Very little is known about the Brass Razoo. In fact, three years of intense postgraduate research led Club Bullwinkle’s Interclub Co-ordinator Jacob Edwards to only the most sketchy of conclusions:

Mr Edwards further revealed one of the purported means of acquiring the Brass Razoo:

And so Club Bullwinkle took to the road in an effort to map out one of the toughest decagons in Queensland’s interclub history:

(Match #1) versus Ipswich: Club B started confidently with a 2½-1½ victory, the feature of which was totally flawless navigation by Nik Stawski.

Stawski,N (1931) - Downs,B (1941) 1.e4 e6 2.c4 c5 3.Nc3 Nc6 4.Nf3 d6 5.d4 cxd4 6.Nxd4 Nf6 7.Be2 Be7 8.0-0 e5 9.Nc2 Be6 10.b3 a6 11.Qd3 Qc7 12.Nd5 Bxd5 13.cxd5 Nb8 14.Bd2 b6 15.Rfc1 Qb7 16.Ne3 Qd7 17.Rc2 Bd8 18.Rac1 Ra7 19.Rc8 Rb7 20.Nf5 g6 21.Ng7+ Kf8 22.Bh6 Kg8 23.Qf3 Qe7 24.Nf5 Qd7 25.Bg5 gxf5 26.Bxf6 Rc7 27.Qg3+ 1-0

(Match #2) versus Logan City: Konrad Uebel (board 3) withdrew two days out so as to be present when his girlfriend’s cat was put to sleep. The team threatened to further decompose overnight with Karina Mowles (board 4) becoming stranded at Double Island Point, and Jacob Edwards (board 2) ending up in the QEII emergency ward. Reserves were called upon, however, and - after a prolonged stop-off for food - the team scraped home 2½-1½. {The cat, incidentally, is by all accounts still alive.}

(Match #3) versus Brisbane Club: a controversial 2½-3½ loss in which the top five boards went in favour of white and board six ended in a draw. Only after the match was it noticed that Brisbane Club’s board six had pulled a swiftie and taken the white pieces out of sequence! "No excuses, though," said a cheerfully upbeat Jacob Edwards after the swearing was over. "Our real problem was that we were stuck in a four-board mindset. We thought 2½ points would do the job."

(Match #4) versus Brisbane Club: an eight board match that saw Club Bullwinkle attempt to form "Team Beanie" for the first time. The plan fell apart: (a) when Nik Stawski – making a dash from the Sunshine Coast after starting time – arrived without his beanie and was forced to use a makeshift headband; (b) when Konrad Uebel – having over-indulged in a work drinks function 10 minutes’ walk away – had to be replaced on board three at the last minute (quite literally) by Russell Mowles, who was handed an orange bandanna and told to do his best. A strong showing on the lower boards enabled Club B to win 4½-3½ (the beanied players scoring three wins and three draws among them).

(Match #5) versus Logan City: a 3-1 victory was secured when débutante Michelle Mowles (board 4) overcame Logan stalwart Phil Jackson, and when Jacob Edwards (board 2) avenged Nik’s Albin loss of the previous year:

Stewart,C (1573) - Edwards,J (1921) 1.d4 d5 2.c4 e5 3.dxe5 d4 4.a3 a5 5.e3 Nc6 6.Nf3 Bc5 7.exd4 Nxd4 8.Nc3 Bf5 9.Nxd4 Bxd4 10.Qf3 Ne7 11.Bg5 f6 12.exf6 gxf6 13.Bf4 Qd7 14.Qxb7 Kf7 15.Nd5 Nxd5 16.Qxd5+ Qxd5 17.cxd5 Rhe8+ 18.Kd2 Rab8 19.Rc1 Rxb2+ 20.Kd1 Bxf2 21.Rxc7+ Kg6 22.Bc4 Re4 23.Rf1 Rd4+ 24.Kc1 Rb1# 0-1

(Match #6) versus University of Queensland: Club B triumphed 4½-½ over newcomers UQ, but were held 2½-2½ in the unofficial lightning match (reversed colours).

(Match #7) versus Ipswich: Despite another lengthy food-stop, Club B went down 1-3, Jacob Edwards (board 2) and Craig Stewart (board 4) both self-destructing with the white pieces, and Nik Stawski (board 1) being forbidden by his captain to accept a draw. Furthermore, inexplicably, the team got hopelessly lost en route to the venue, despite the fact that this hadn’t moved since match #1.

(Match #8) versus University of Queensland: a five board encounter in which Club B went down 2-0 early. Jacob Edwards (board 1) and Karina Mowles (board 3) achieved identical Dragon positions after ten moves, but it was Jacob’s opponent who went astray, dropping a piece and lamenting that he’d been "book-bashed". Craig Stewart (board 2) clung on for half a point, leaving Karina the task of winning a time-scrambled endgame. This she did, securing a 2½-2½ result overall.

Anderson,N (1455) - Edwards,J (1921) 1.e4 c5 2.Nf3 d6 3.d4 cxd4 4.Nxd4 Nf6 5.Nc3 g6 6.Be3 Bg7 7.f3 0-0 8.Bc4 Nc6 9.Qd2 Bd7 10.0-0-0 Rc8 11.h4 Nxd4 12.Qxd4 Ng4 13.Bxf7+ Rxf7 14.Qxa7 Nxe3 15.Qxe3 Qa5 16.Rd3 Be6 17.Nd5 Qxa2 18.Kd2 Qxb2 19.Rc1 Bxd5 20.exd5 Be5 21.Rb3 Qxc1+ 22.Kxc1 Bf4 23.Qxf4 Rxf4 24.g3 Rfc4 25.Rxb7 Rxc2+ 26.Kd1 Kf7 0-1

(Match #9) versus Redcliffe: An injury to Craig Stewart left Club B with only three players just prior to commencement, and so began a frantic ring-around in an attempt to secure the magic fourth. It became apparent, however, that this could not be achieved without breaching the Brass Razoo ten-player interchange rule, and so board four had to be forfeited. The team continued its "mini-slump", but emerged relatively unscathed with a 2-2 draw.

Stawski,N (1852) - Weller,T (1803) 1.e4 e6 2.c4 c6 3.d4 d5 4.Nc3 Bb4 5.Qc2 dxe4 6.Qxe4 Nf6 7.Qh4 c5 8.a3 Qxd4 9.Qxd4 cxd4 10.axb4 dxc3 11.bxc3 b6 12.Bf4 Nbd7 13.Be2 Bb7 14.Bf3 Bxf3 15.Nxf3 0-0 16.0-0 Rfc8 17.Nd2 h6 18.h3 Kf8 19.Ra6 Nb8 20.Ra3 Nc6 21.Rfa1 Nd7 22.Ne4 e5 23.Be3 Ke7 24.c5 bxc5 25.Nxc5 Nxc5 26.Bxc5+ Kd7 27.b5 Na5 28.Bb4 Nc4 29.Rxa7+ Rxa7 30.Rxa7+ Rc7 31.Rxc7+ Kxc7 32.Bc5 g6 33.f3 f5 34.Kf2 e4 35.fxe4 fxe4 36.Kg3 Ne5 37.Bf8 h5 38.Kf4 Nd7 39.Be7 Nb6 40.Kxe4 Kd7 41.Bc5 Na4 42.Bd4 Nb2 43.Kd5 Nd3 44.Be5 g5 45.b6 Kc8 46.c4 Kb7 47.c5 g4 48.hxg4 hxg4 49.Bc7 Nb4+ 50.Kd6 Nc6 51.g3 Kc8 52.Ke6 Nd4+ 53.Ke5 Nf3+ 54.Kf4 Nh2 55.c6 Nf3 56.Bd6 1-0

(Match #10) versus Brisbane Club: a 3-4 loss in which only the dazzling Hawaiian shirts of Nik Stawski and Jacob Edwards secured wins for Bullwinkle. Club officials have now begun the task of evaluating player performance. "We suspect Craig Stewart may have been jet-lagged, having just flown in from America, and Miguel Alvarado was clearly down after his last minute ten pin bowling defeat. Konrad Uebel stopped off for chicken. These are all good excuses but obviously we’ll be taking a close look at how things stand."

Stawski,N (1852) - Byrom,P (1873) 1.d4 Nf6 2.Bg5 e6 3.e4 Be7 4.Nd2 d5 5.Bxf6 Bxf6 6.e5 Be7 7.Qg4 0-0 8.h4 f5 9.Qf4 c5 10.dxc5 Bxc5 11.Nb3 Be7 12.Nf3 a5 13.a4 Nc6 14.g4 Qb6 15.g5 Nb4 16.Qd2 Bd7 17.Rh3 Rac8 18.Nfd4 Qc7 19.c3 Qxe5+ 20.Re3 Qh2 21.Nxe6 Bxe6 22.Rxe6 Rf7 23.Qe2 Nc6 24.Nxa5 Qc7 25.Nxc6 bxc6 26.b4 d4 27.Qc4 dxc3 28.Bg2 Bd6 29.0-0-0 Bf4+ 30.Kc2 Qa7 31.Bxc6 Qxf2+ 32.Kxc3 Qg3+ 33.Rd3 Be5+ 34.Rxe5 Qxe5+ 35.Kb3 Kf8 36.b5 f4 37.b6 f3 38.b7 Rb8 39.Qb4+ Qe7 40.Rxf3 Rxf3+ 41.Bxf3 Ke8 42.Qxe7+ Kxe7 43.a5 Kd7 44.a6 Kc7 45.a7 Rxb7+ 46.Bxb7 Kxb7 47.Kc4 Kxa7 48.Kd5 1-0

So how did the statistics pan out?

Match Results: 6/10 (60%). Individual Contributions: Jacob Edwards 7½ (75%); Konrad Uebel 5 (71%); Nik Stawski 4 (50%); Karina Mowles 2 (100%); Craig Stewart 2 (33%); Russell Mowles 1½ (37%); Peter Evans 1 (50%); Alejandro Dubrovsky 1 (50%); Michelle Mowles 1 (50%); Nick Poon 1 (100%); David Evans 1 (100%); David Lavercombe ½ (25%); Allinta Rose ½ (50%); Miguel Alvarado 0 (0%).

Depending, then, on whether or not the Redcliffe forfeit board counted as a reserve, Club Bullwinkle may indeed have uncovered the Brass Razoo! So are the players now engaged in wild and outlandish celebrations? It’s impossible to say. Nobody from Club Bullwinkle can be contacted and it is rumoured that there are massive changes taking place at the executive level...